TEASER TUESDAY

Haunted CastleSnippet from VOICE OF THE DEAD

Nick, still facing her, feet burning in the hot sand, said, “Doc, what’s wrong?”

“Why should there be something wrong?”

“This isn’t like you to pour your heart out. Even after all of this time, you still shut down. I’m pretty used to it by now, but still, this isn’t you at all.”

Her head dropped as she looked down at the grains of sand covering her toes.

“I think you should know how I feel, in case something happens to me.”

With fear in his eyes, he looked at Lauren.

Tears ran down her cheek. She felt his fingers under her chin as he lifted her face up.

10892024_703403599772913_7432888242320464906_n“You listen to me,” he said softly, “I don’t want you to think like that. I know I’ve been a little crazy, but we’re here now. We’re away from all that right now. I won’t let something happen to you anyway. Do you understand me?”

Still not convinced, she nodded anyway. It was easier to make him feel as if he had all of the power in the world to keep her safe as opposed to arguing with him.

“And I love you, too,” he said, drawing near to kiss her lips. “Always will.”

“Things that Matter” Cancelled on YouTube

I wanted to let you all know that the last “Things that Matter” episode will air Thursday, 2/11/16. Due to health issues, I need to step back. In case you were following the series, I wanted to make a public announcement.

Thanks for watching and following. Have a good Sunday.

Wait… I’m not ready… He’s just a little boy!

78011F1I saw a post on Facebook and the waterworks just started flowing (I have included the link so we can all have a really good cry together http://www.scarymommy.com/growing-up-saying-goodbye/ ). It was about a mother’s experience watching her child grow into a teenager. As I type this, the tears are still coming.

I am currently teaching a psychology class about child and adolescent development. On the PowerPoints, I include photos of my son to help the students relate. I have to be honest, there are times as I’m teaching that I can feel the emotions welling up inside of me because those pictures signify an era already gone. It’s time I can’t get back and that’s what pains me the most.

I don’t have regrets. This is different. I am supposed to raise this beautiful young man to be a caring adult. To be81714F13 separate from me, relying on himself to thrive. But, I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that prepared me for this.

My child is taller than I am, and I’m pretty tall. Tonight, because he knew I had injured my back, he waited on me hand and foot. He is growing up before my very eyes and I’m powerless to stop it, but that is the nature of the beast. This is supposed to be happening. So, since I know this is the natural order of things, I should quit sobbing right?

I can’t. Every time I look at him I still see the baby I held in my arms. I still hear his hysterical laughter from a time I took him to the grocery store and absolutely everything was funny to him. I still watch him breath as he sleeps. I just stand there, shaking my head, wondering where all of the time has gone and contemplate how fast things continue moving.

Teaching this class has taken me back in time. It’s a double-edged sword really. Remembering all of the 79955F12things that helped my son develop is fascinating from a scientific standpoint, but then I see the man he is and wonder where I was when all of these changes started happening. Well, I was right here.

It’s such a roller-coaster of emotion. And then I look at him and he is doing just fine. Before, he would tell me, “Mom, I don’t want to grow up.” Now, I can see him beginning to embrace it and that’s what every parent is supposed to want. And I do want that. It just hurts my heart.

I have three of his voicemails on my phone. If I ever have to get rid of my phone, I’ll probably flip out. The first one is from when he was in elementary school. The next one is from a couple of years ago. The last one  is recent. When I listen to them, I can hardly believe it’s the same person. This high, tenor voice of this sweet, innocent child has transformed into a deep, man voice. But, that’s my child… It’s the same person and this is all part of the journey.

5BPE0123He still thinks it’s cool to “camp out” in my room, putting a sleeping bag down beside my bed. He still thinks it’s awesome to curl up on the couch and watch a movie like Kung Fu Panda. He still wants hugs. But there’s this part of him that is caught between the world of a child and the world of adolescence. I remember how difficult that was. Still, he smiles and wants held.

No matter what either of us do, time is marching forward and the inevitability of what awaits is realized by both of us. What happened? Where did my two-year old go? The one who laid in my bed laughing at the shadow puppets I put up on the wall. The one who let me rock 10325534_10207484561546032_7329734074876613506_nhim to sleep. The four-year old who play Thomas the Train with me. That little child; that boy… he’s still there locked deep inside trying to adjust to all of the profound changes happening to his body and to his mind.

I really don’t know what the true point of this post is other than to try to stop myself from crying, but it isn’t working. So, I’m going to close, go blow my nose, walk into my son’s room, kiss his forehead as he lay fast asleep, and then go to bed all the while knowing another day will dawn perpetuating the reality that my baby is growing up.

TEASER TUESDAY

Abstract backgroundSnippet from THE FINE LINE:

As much as she wanted to talk to Matt about everything, Robin didn’t. She hated hiding things especially since they had made a pact to always be honest with one another. However, she knew that he would debunk everything. Olivia didn’t need that. She needed positive reinforcement and assurance about her feelings, thoughts, and gifts. Most of all, she needed acceptance.

One evening Robin stood looking out the window of the porch facing the field. She rubbed the little bump protruding from her abdomen. A sort of uneasiness returned. She couldn’t attribute what she felt to pregnancy jitters either.

Glancing over at the rocking chair on the porch, she watched as it moved back and forth. Suddenly, she felt she wasn’t alone. In her mind she saw the woman in her dream. “I know you’re here,” she whispered. The familiar sadness swept over her.

The incident helped Robin make an important decision. Monday she would research the house. She needed to know why the woman always felt sad.

As she continued standing at the door, the mood changed. It felt more foreboding and darker. The temperature dropped several degrees and she felt the woman leave. A sinister presence emerged.

“I know what you are,” Robin said quietly.

Things that Matter, Episode 2

On Thursday night, the 2nd episode of my series on YouTube aired. I actually decided to insert the content at the last-minute.

I think it’s important for people to say when something hurts them. If they don’t, it tends to bottle up and then there’s anger and bitterness and all sorts of awful things. Because I’m not bound by an oath of confidentiality, I expressed my sincere contempt over what happened regarding the accusations that I am a dirty politician. Well, I wasn’t called a dirty politician, but it still fit pretty well.

I think the worst part is that I wasn’t warned when I could have been. Once situations like that happen, things are never the same. In fact, the entire situation has caused me to start learning new skills.

So, better late than never, here’s the episode from this week.

TEASER TUESDAY

Teaser from THROUGH GLASS DARKLY

Over the last month or so, he’d grown close to her, but something greater than friendship sprung up inside of him. Unmistakably, and much to his shock, he was falling in love with her. He couldn’t believe that something so intense could happen so fast. Never before had he felt this way about anyone; connected and invested.

It pained him to know that Henry broke through her high wall and captured her interest. He hoped he had not yet captured her heart. He felt terrible for what he’d said to her. He didn’t want to hurt her.

11039514_10153108166348959_639178523_o (2)What was worse was that Danny recognized he not only loved Olivia, but Amelia, too. The problem remained that he hadn’t said anything to Olivia, so there was no way for her to even know how he felt about her. For this, he could blame no one but himself. Trying to keep their work relationship healthy and trying to develop a solid friendship had been his priority. Everything backfired.

Walking back to his chair, he sat down hard, putting his hands to his face. He heard a knock on the door. He hoped it would be Olivia, but Sue popped her head in. His countenance fell.

“Everything okay?” she asked as she slipped in, shutting the door behind her. She sat down on the chair in front of his desk. “I heard you and Olivia yelling.”

“I’m an idiot,” he said quietly as he turned his head, looking out the window.