Last weekend I left off on sort of a cliff-hanging note. So, I’m going to start off there today. I left off with my intense depression and how a holistic physician was helping me through it. The supplements certainly helped. However, it didn’t go to the root of the problem. I feared death. Whenever I thought about it or thought about leaving my son behind, I could cry uncontrollably. The finality of it terrified me.
I sat in the waiting area of my healer’s office and looked down at a book. Its title: Soul Proof (http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Proof-Mark-R-Pitstick/dp/0966141962). I brushed it off for whatever reason that time. It wasn’t long before the dreams began. The first I remember was about my grandfather (maternal). I could see him standing at the top of concrete stairs. He was dressed in his gray pants and a light-weight button-up shirt. I remember being a child and running up the stairs to him, leaping in his arms and saying, “Please, Papa, don’t go. I don’t want you to go.” He said, “I have to go for a little while. Go to Kat now. You’ll see me again, just go to Kat.” Kat is my eldest aunt who had been dead for a year. I turned and saw her; she looked like she did when I was a small child and I begged again for my grandfather not to leave me. When I woke, I could still smell his Old Spice cologne. I had no doubt I’d encountered his presence, but my limited faith at that time didn’t allow me to process it.
Other dreams were of my aunt; her touch on my forehead and assuring me that everything was alright and that she was in a wonderful place. Again, the doubting Thomas I was at that time, wouldn’t allow me to embrace what was really going on. Another dream, my paternal grandmother, who died long before I was born, came to me. She had passed away tragically in a car accident when my dad wasn’t even out of high school. She told me that she was always with me and that she loved me. I remember her face and how beautiful she was. I remember hearing her laughing and saying how much she loved watching me grow up.
After all of this, I went back to my healer again and sat in his waiting area. This time I opened up Soul Proof and read the introduction. I couldn’t put the book down. I asked to borrow it. This is just a part of the review I wrote about the book. I think once you read it, I won’t need to say much more about it in this blog:
“I decided to check Soul Proof out for my own evaluation. How was I to make an educated decision or even an assumption about my existence without complete exploration of all the possibilities? After reading just the introduction, I was in tears. So many of my questions were being answered and so many of the feelings were being confirmed. I prefer to call God, The Great Spirit now. God feels too negative to me, but that’s just my own personal opinion. The Great Spirit is bigger than we could ever imagine and isn’t a vengeful old man sitting on a throne waiting to strike us down when we fall. These are things I think I knew all along, but it took Dr. Pitstick’s book to confirm this for me. The paranormal phenomenon made sense to me now. The fact that I’ve had dreams of dead (or rather transformed) loved ones and could still smell them when I woke up was explained. The vivid dream I had only days after the passing of my aunt in which she was talking to me telling me she was alright and would see me again made complete sense now. The fact that there are times when I know I’m not alone in my room or in the house or my car or at work; explained. But the beautiful part is that I’m not afraid anymore!
In my heart, I think I always knew that we were beautiful sources of divine energy. I knew from years of schooling that energy cannot be destroyed, but it can be changed. I also now understand The Great Spirit and why I was so drawn to compassion toward nature, animals, and children. I had lost all of my empathy toward others and instantly, it was restored. It is very difficult for me to put this transformation into words. I can say, however, it is wonderful to be walking in the most divine light I’ve ever experienced. I am new at this type of journey, but I can feel it to my very core!
Everything made sense. The struggles I had endured throughout the years. The fight I had within myself made total sense and the conflict was now over. It all fell right into place. I have never felt such utter peace in my entire life. Peace that cannot be bought or explained. Peace like no other.
I know my soul’s mission. I know that I am in the right job (child welfare) doing exactly what I have been called to do. You can’t imagine how much easier it is to get up and go to work every day knowing that I am doing what The Great Spirit has asked me to do.
I know that when I die there will be more waiting for me; I will see my transformed loved ones again! I will be with The Great Spirit. I will be changed in the twinkling of eye; I will be divine. And I will not burn in an eternal hell for thinking with the brain that The Great Spirit gave me. I know now why I’ve been questioning so many things. I know now why I felt at such a young age I was an “old soul,” because in all reality, I probably am! How wonderful is that?! To know that you are blessed and divine and loved and that there is possibility for second chances!!!!
The Bible never confirmed any of these things for me as many times as I read it. I felt that there was something more and also knew that so much had gotten lost in translation. I realize now that it was The Great Spirit giving me wisdom to question such fundamental, organized beliefs. It didn’t mean that I was a nonbeliever, but on the contrary, it meant I was following the still small voice and my thirst for knowledge was just as divine as anything else touched by Source.
When I began my agnostic journey I didn’t take the Bible literally anymore, but the profound guilt I felt overpowered my ability to see the truth. All of my doubts about life, existence, Source, religion, death, dying… all answered and now I understand.
I have made it a point, because of reading this book, to change. I feel more positive now. I desire meditation because it gives me the opportunity to commune with The Great Spirit. I don’t ‘pray’ anymore, I talk and converse with the Source of all existence. You can’t imagine what it’s like not living in daily fear of being sent to hell and burning for eternity! That weight around my ankle… it’s gone!”
So there it is. The defining moment that set my life on a completely different path. The transformation happened and I opened my arms back up to the one entity that hadn’t ever left me; He just needed to reach me in a different way.
In early April my husband cousin died of cancer. He was young and vibrant and everyone loved him. I never personally met him. However, as I stood in the line at his viewing, he definitely made sure I got to know him. At first I thought my husband was talking to me. Turns out it wasn’t. Now this is where you can either decide whether I’m crazy or not. This dead person made an effort to communicate with me. Yes, I know it sounds like I’m schizophrenic, but I assure you I’m perfectly health and very mentally sound. I wasn’t sure what was happening to be honest with you. So the next day at his funeral, it worsened. I felt like someone was screaming in my ear. He begged me to comfort his mother and to send messages to his loved ones. Because I didn’t understand what was happening, I didn’t entertain any of this, but when we were standing at the graveside I could literally feel this man’s presence. During the service I felt his agony and grief and found myself losing emotional control. I didn’t know this man. Why was I crying? I’ll tell you why. Because I felt his emotion and empathized. In my mind I told him to crossover and that there were others waiting to help him. I didn’t hear him anymore that day.
I went to a person that day that I knew could help me. She did. She helped me understand what was happening and that I have an ability that I still don’t understand. I associate it with having a genetic feature. If you have green eyes, you just have them and that’s the way it is. I have this thing that I can do and that’s the end of it; I don’t question it or flaunt it or advertise it or talk about it unless I’m asked, but it’s there; always a part of me and always will be.
Since this encounter I’ve had regular communication with many of those who’ve passed on from my grandmother, who is truly with me at all times, to my husband’s relatives. I am also in constant communication with the Creator and I make sure I take time to thank Him and to commune with him. I also have a direct like to what I call, spirit guides (the Christian faith calls them angels). They help me and guide me and teach me; they comfort me when I’m sad and they help me stay focused when I need to. An entirely new world opened to me when I decided to change my life and walk down a positive path and I don’t regret one decision I’ve made in this new life.
When this happened to me, I rewrote my book. The Fine Line took on a more opened-minded approach to solving spiritual problems and confronting spiritual battles. In fact the still small voice made if very clear that in order for my book to be published I would have to change the content. So, I did and I let the Divine take over. In the early summer, my book was on the desk of a very popular publisher and I thought for sure they were going to publish it, but they said it was “too inspirational” and things like that didn’t sell well. I had all but given but, but by early fall I found BookLocker and the book was published by January.
Please note that you do not have to agree with the way I see things. You can think I’m being mislead or misguided or lead by the devil, but honestly, I’m seeking out my own salvation and I encourage you to seek out yours. Just because mine looks a lot different that the rest doesn’t me its wrong. Who am I to judge anyone for who they believe? It’s not my right. I don’t need you to agree with me; I don’t need anyone to agree with me. I do know, nonetheless, that I have been lead to do the things I do and my legacy, I hope will be positive. This is my human experience and I am making the most of it.
Next week we’ll talk about how I came to leave Pike County Children Services and the encounters I had as a ghost-hunter as well as a more in depth look at how The Fine Line found its way to the public. Thanks for joining me this week!