Here we are again at the end of another year; another year of the “new normal” has come and gone, and I know I’m not the only one who’s over it. Still, I wanted to try to end this year on a positive note. It’s been a while since I’ve written in my blog, so I thought “Why not?”
This year, as most before it, has been filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, and lessons. I ended a 3.5 year relationship at the end of September. I am embracing the true meaning of healing. My dad almost didn’t make it through the month of September due to heart problems and surgery complications. Thanksgiving was not exactly as I’d hoped due to dad being ill. Christmas made up for it, nevertheless. I have made new friends and leaned on old ones. I am still suffering from a major case of writer’s block, so no new stories or books just yet.
But what of the lessons in 2021? I am learning to live in the here and now. I’m trying to learn not to stress about the future or what may be. All we’re promised is this very moment. Nothing more, and nothing less. I’m trying to understand that I deserve good things in my life.
I’ve learned through not only personal experience but also through education that mindset is the key to almost everything. Cognitive Behavioral practice teaches us that if we change the way we think, we can change the way we behave. Our thoughts dictate our feelings which then dictate our actions. If we can get a hold of our thoughts first, we can change everything from there. Thoughts don’t have to produce the outcome. Anxiety and CPTSD/PTSD have a way of coloring our vision. Those of us who deal with PTSD/CPTSD have a terrible habit of building things up in our minds. We do it in such a way that everything feels worse than it actually is. The mind can create a completely fictional horror story that takes us down the rabbit hole. If we can stop the train before it derails, we can center and ask ourselves, “Is this reality, or do I just think it’s reality?” Easier said than done, I know, but each day we have the chance to wake up with a fresh perspective. We can rehearse daily affirmations that tell us we are worthy and able to overcome whatever life throws at us. We are good. We are capable.
With all of that in mind, nevertheless, it’s important to recognize signs and signals that are real; the evidence that things aren’t alright and that you aren’t in your head or in your feelings. It’s important to be able to tease apart what’s real from what you’re creating with your own thoughts. Remember that we can manifest our reality, whether that is positive or negative. Still, if the physical evidence is pointing in a certain direction, it’s okay to take a step back. It’s also okay to address situations that hurt you or that make you feel uncomfortable. Boundaries are extremely important in general, but especially for folks with PTSD/CPTSD. Some of those boundaries are directly linked with triggers. When sharing your boundaries and/or triggers, if the other party(ies) want you to compromise those, you may want to take a hard look at what’s really happening.
This year I learned the true definition of gaslighting. It is a terrible type of abuse, too. I didn’t realize how horrible it was and that I had fallen victim to it for over 15 years. “Did you really remember that?” “I didn’t do that.” “That’s not what I meant.” Red flags flying… and more than likely, when they are flying, they have been there long before you arrived. Sadly, they will likely always be there.
We all have imperfections. We have all been through things. We’ve all been hurt. There is a difference between red flags and faults. Faults can mimic red flags, that’s true, but what helps us figure out the difference is to listen for and recognize repeated patterns of behavior. Listen to someone’s life history, and you’ll quickly be able to see any red flags. Nonetheless, reading energy is also just as important. If you’re empathic or sensitive, you can usually pinpoint whether you’re dealing with a person who has simply made some bad choices or someone who has a chronic problem. There’s an important question to ask as you analyze and reflect. Did they learn from their choices, or did they continue to make those choices hoping for a different outcome? Everyone should be afforded a little grace, but listen to what they do and watch closely. Remember, none of us are perfect, and the longer we’ve walked this earth, the more mistakes we make. We shouldn’t persecute someone for their mistakes. We should be mindful of their growth. With that said, we should also be aware of the realities that surround us.
Looking forward with my own personal journey, I’d like to start writing again. I joined a private gym in February, and I have tried to stick with it. It was based on a two year commitment. I have dealt with some illness and injury throughout the year, but I will not quit. Mind, body, and spirit… it all has to be nourished. Sadly, I lost sight of my spirituality for a time, but big changes can deepen your faith. I came back to a place where I want to grow spiritually and start practicing again.
My mind also requires healing. That will take much longer than any other part of me. PTSD/CPTSD physically changes the structure of the brain. EVERYTHING in the brain is modified when someone experiences trauma. So, healing that part of ourselves takes time, therapy, affirmations, finding our own safe place, and so much more. The nature of PTSD/CPTSD is that you never feel completely safe. So, achieving that can be an uphill climb. I have to believe, however, that healing is possible. I couldn’t be in the profession I’m in if I didn’t believe that healing was achievable. I know that it is. I also feel that I have done a lot of healing this year, but much more is needed.
So, in closing, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year! May 2022 be another chapter of new beginnings, welcomed opportunities, healing, and success! May you find peace and prosperity in the coming months. May you embrace your blessings and successfully navigate the challenges.
Love and light to all!
Tracee Ford 