Month of thanks: DAY 14

Today I am thankful that I had so many good years with my aunt.  She left us in December of last year.  I didn’t realize her time was so short when I made last year’s thankful posts.  I am so grateful that I spent nearly every single Friday with her last fall.  It was no coincidence.  It was meant for me to be with her during that time.  It made letting her go a little easier, but nothing will ever fill the void she has left behind.

She understood the battle I face with mental health.  She faced those challenges, too.  She is the person who called me out regarding my eating disorder.  She was there when I found my first gray hair.  There are countless other things we experienced together, but the list is too long for me to even type out.

I miss her so much.  This Thanksgiving will be very challenging between Jim’s passing and hers.  I know they will be with us in spirit.

The Month Of Thanksgiving

I am a few days late, but better late than never.  So, here goes:

I am thankful for my son. He means EVERYTHING to me. He has been through so much this summer.  He has dealt with judgment from sources who have no right to judge.  He will never get that from me.  That’s the beauty of unconditional love.

Carl Rogers encouraged us to embrace our children, faults and all (Hergenhahn & Henley, 2014).  It is heartbreaking that not all parents understand this let alone employ it.  At a young age my child has been required to process one of the greatest rejections he may ever face.  However, he is becoming stronger for it.  He is excelling in school, and he is growing spiritually and personally.

Secondly is my husband.  I feel like I haven’t seen him much since I started the Ph.d. program in April, and even more so since I started back to work in August. He too has been through a lot recently.  He is one of the strongest people I know.  I only wish I could be that strong.  He is an awesome dad, too.   I love him more than he will ever understand or know.

Death is a part of life, and grief is a natural process that all humans must go through with the loss of a loved one (Stassen, 2016).  What is excruciating is watching someone navigate through that loss, feeling helpless and impotent.  That’s what I’ve been doing since July.  The loss of my father-in-law has changed everything for our lives.  As a result, my husband is much less carefree and has transformed to his very core.  Coming up on the first major holiday without his father will be especially difficult.  Still, I have no doubt his strength will win out.

I am thankful for my dad.  He taught me how to laugh. He taught me how to play the drums.  He taught me how to sing.  He introduced me to The Blues Brothers and Saturday Night Live in the 70’s.  We share a love of the same music.  He’s taught me more skills than I can possibly list.  He is an awesome grandfather, too!  My dad and I have an extremely similar thought process.  My mom often tells me that we react the same way to various situations and say the same things when presented with challenges.  We both share the commonality of road rage (LOL), but we also share a lot of endearing qualities.  He is truly one wild and crazy guy!

More to come 🙂

References

Hergenhahn, B. R., & Henley, T. B.  (2014).  An introduction to the history of psychology (7th

ed.).  Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.

Stassen Berger, Kathleen,  (2016).  Invitation to the Life Span (3rd ed.).  New York, NY:  Worth.

Tuesday’s Tales: The Joy of Remembering

15727392_10210578145123688_1486390073001210304_nI recently lost a loved one, and although it’s been hard, I must admit it’s not as hard as it has been. Why? Because I believe that this life isn’t the end. I have hope. Why do I have hope? Because I embrace a belief system that thinks outside of the box.

This post isn’t to indoctrinate you. It’s simply to share a viewpoint and to help you through any losses you’ve had. It’s a way to show you that just because the sun is setting in someone’s life, it doesn’t mean that their light is snuffed out. Every time the person crosses your mind, their light shines. Each time you put on their favorite perfume or see a flower that they loved, you keep that person alive.

For those of us who have “gifts” and can actually commune with those who’ve gone on before, death tends to be a little easier to accept. Still, there is a void. There’s no more opportunity to speak with the loved one on the phone or to hop in the car and see them. So, don’t doubt that there’s grief for those of us who can “see” someone once they’ve passed.

Remembering someone is inspirational, which is why I added this as the very first post for Tuesday’s Tales. My aunt Evelyn would have been 91 on Christmas Eve and we lost her on Friday the 16th. It was difficult seeing her go, but I knew her anxiety and suffering ended when she transformed. That is what gives me joy.

Each of us carry our own cross. We battle our own demons. Therefore, when we die, we can truly be free from the confines of the flesh. Knowing that should be inspirational and encouraging!

I don’t believe in the hell-fire scenario. But no matter how I look at it, I know my aunt lived a very Godly life so if anyone was ready to go, she was.

The last piece of inspiration I want to share for this post is that you can absolutely mourn. Many people think that grief makes them weak. That is false. Take as long as you need. At the same time, find peace in the fact that the person is no longer limited to their body.

As beings of timeless light and energy, we can do whatever we want when we pass away from this particular life’s journey. We are, as I said, FREE. We are no longer held to the standards of this world, but can move far beyond that. So, when I see my aunt, I know she is happy and she is content for the very first time. She is with the folks she remembers and loves. THAT is the most inspirational fact of losing someone we love.

Thankful Challenge: Day 20

Kathleen

1779753_10202802297452356_1281414486_nI am thankful for my Aunt Kat. She passed on, but I certainly haven’t forgotten her. I look forward to her visits while I’m dreaming and think about her all of the time. There are times when I catch her perfume on some of my clothing and it’s like she never left. I think about her every single day. Thanksgivings haven’t been the same without her.

Death is a part of life, but sometimes it is difficult for us to navigate through that sea of grief. Years can pass and at certain times, especially around the holidays, depression can creep up on us before we even realize it. None of the holidays have been the same without her.

I used to feel like that about my grandma, but I was a child when she left us. After that, my aunts and my grandpa kept our holidays together. Now, things are so different. And that makes me sad.

It’s hard to be thankful for bereavement, but it helps us realize we’re human. It also gives us something to look forward to. If you’re in the camp of the spiritualists, it tells you there is more beyond this world; a place where we can reunite with our loved ones. If you happen to be me, you don’t even have to wait. Those of us that are clairvoyant are visited constantly by not only our relatives, but many others who want to send messages or just feel that “human connection.”

If you’re not in the camp with us eclectic folks, I’m not sure how to explain death to you. When I was an atheist, I saw death as a permanent end. Not only was that a pretty dim point of view, but it had a tremendous impact on my mental health.

Either way you look at it, the loss of a loved one is painful and that is reiterated for us each day we go on without them. However, if we can look back on the good times with them, especially during the holidays, we may find comfort in their legacy. This woman left a legacy like no one else. She was a public servant and gave herself more than she had to. I miss her…

The “Coming Around.” Karma, enter stage right.

Yesterday I witnessed what happens when you treat people the wrong way your entire life. There are some things that you can just see in people; darkness, light, genuineness, compassion, hate, fear. When you come across someone who has held you in high regard only because of what you can give them, you have seen the worst kind of person besides a liar and a thief (although they often overlap). You have beheld the legendary “user.” The person that searches their entire life for people that they can suck dry and take advantage of. Their true self is often difficult to hide. In fact, others usually catch onto this personality type quite fast or even the user sometimes doesn’t try to hide what they really are.

They say “what goes around, comes around” and it is rare that you get to see this, but when you do, you can’t deny that it’s happening. It’s rather astounding, in fact. It’s also a fact that when someone dies, it usually brings out the absolute worst in people, especially the user who is anticipating a large pay-off. In our little story, we’re going to call the deceased person “Mother.” In her last requests, she left her worldly possessions to everyone but the User.

The User spent her life stealing from and using the Mother. If there was nothing to gain, the User would not participate, yet, presently, she demands that everyone, namely her close family, fall down at her feet and give her all. This view backfired on the User.

I observed the User’s expression before the will of the Mother was read to those summoned together. She looked confident and prepared for a reward. However, it did not turn out quite that way. While others in the family were left money and property, the User was given a very, very small sum of money. It didn’t even exceed $10 (nothing else). The User was also given a three page letter from the Mother. The pain she caused the Mother didn’t go unnoticed. The Mother may have kept quiet all of those years, but when it came right down to it, her hurt spilled over into her last wishes and her last requests.

I once felt that the Mother’s view of the User was skewed and unfair. I thought the Mother was too hard on the User. Nonetheless, I have since changed my opinion as I have watched the User try to take from her own children and other family. In her world, she is all that matters and she should be held as royalty by others around her. The User demands money from her children and tells them that they should leave all that they have worked for and mold their lives to suit hers.  And now, because I do not have the job or the career, per say, that I once had and my ability to be used went to the floor, I too am worthless in the eyes of the User as well.

I am seen as an inconvenience. I can’t count how many times I have been told by the User I need to get my a** to work and come to where the User lives and take care of the User because I’m a “nurse.” I’m not a nurse. I am a nurse’s aide, but that isn’t the issue. I was told I should make her child bow to her wishes. When I was assisting with going through the Mother’s things, more comments were made about how the cousins “all worked.” In other words, “You don’t. Thus you are of now use.” Keep in mind, reader, I have worked seventeen out of my thirty-eight years compared to the User’s sparsely worked seven years out of her sixty-odd on this planet.

As most of my followers and readers know, 2014 was a very dark year for me and I find myself still struggling with that darkness. Long before that, I battled a similar situation to the User. I was to worship and bend to the person’s will and I was even called “evil” at one juncture because I developed a backbone. I have learned from the situation, though. But, has it made me stronger or just bitter? So, when the User implies over and over that I am worthless because I do not have a job, it brings back other painful memories that I must battle.

Despite the fact that the situation is painful for me, I do not feel right about causing a scene when the User just lost someone close, if the person even has the ability to feel anything unless money is involved. In fact, I overheard the User say that she would stay and be “polite” and make sure the Mother was buried. Otherwise, she would leave. Because there was nothing more to take and nothing more to gain, she had no reason to stay.

To top it all off, last night the User accused me and her own child of stealing her money. Should I remain quiet? Because it is not my family, I am keeping my mouth closed. In doing that, is that healthy? I have kept quiet about so many other things and all of that pain just builds and festers and makes the darkness even more real. So, what is the answer? Is there an answer? I’m not the kind of person that can just shrug things off, even though I am guilty of burying it deep inside.

I suppose the point of this is that I saw the User get what was coming to her. No more did I have to wonder why the User’s own children want nothing to do with her. I don’t have to question why her children are unsympathetic and why her brothers and sisters do not wish to be bothered with her. She plays the part of the victim, but she doesn’t even do it well.

The other point to today’s blog is to say this: Karma is real. It isn’t a made up “might be.” What we do will come back to us in time. I need to remember this, too. Whatever I have done to others will re-visit me. There is a natural order, I believe. A system of checks and balances in the universe. When we treat someone well, we will find that others treat us well. When we show compassion toward others, we will receive compassion. When we treat others poorly, those seeds that we sow, we will reap. I sincerely wish I didn’t feel the anger I feel, but I am told that only time will heal it. Because I know that the anger will come back to get me, I wish I could put it aside and become numb to its damage. Still, I can’t dismiss it because it is always there, waiting to come forward through tears or some other manor of release.

So, remember, Karma truly isn’t a nice lady. She is wicked and just. And when you are able to finally see Karma at her best or her worst, you’ll never forget what it looks like or what it feels like. You’ll never doubt her existence after that.

Where Have I Been?

I apologize for my absence. Things have been very, very busy here. School started for my son. Me back to work, two part time jobs. A situation with our dog arose. I haven’t been on my blog much. I suppose it’s time I got back to it.

Today we’re going to talk about resolve. If you’ve been keeping up with my YouTube series, Stages of Chaos, you know that this subject was explored on that show. As you also know, if you’ve been following me, I’ve temporary taken a break from my YouTube filming. In fact, I put a call out to my audience for some ideas for shows, but very few people must be reading my blog because I never got any suggestions. Perhaps I’m writing this for myself. I have no idea.

Anyway, when we encounter situations that leave us with our mouth gaping open, the first thing we look for in the fog is the answer or in certain circumstances, answers. We ask ourselves why a situation has happened or what would should be learning from it. Keep in mind that once one thing happens it usually starts a domino effect. That’s why a lot of people who are encountering one trauma find themselves working through several issues.

So, what can we do to help ourselves through such drastic circumstances? The first thing to do is to let yourself feel the pain. Let yourself feel the loss. Denying it at first is very normal. In fact this is the second stage of chaos. But, no matter how hard we try to tell ourselves that it’s all just a dream, it isn’t and we must face the reality of whatever is happening to us.

After we get through all of the major stages we reach a point where we can begin to find resolve. There are many ways we can do this. For those that have experienced the loss of a loved one, finding resolve can take months, even years. Sometimes it’s a matter of just getting up every day, working through the grief on a minute to minute basis, and carrying on. Some days are more difficult than others.

For those that have experienced trauma through abuse, resolve is also a process of day-by-day determination. Often the survivor is stuck in denial, but once they work through that and then shift through the anger, finally coming through depression, they can begin to heal. In situations like this I would highly recommend counseling and therapy. Abuse is not something that will just resolve. In fact, studies have shown that abuse produces chemical changes in the brain. These are life-long changes. It can involve behavior, moral decision making, impulse control response, self esteem, motivation, and a host of other brain functions that are vital to our daily living. Therapy will often provide some resolve and a pathway to overcoming.

For individuals who have been impacted by an accident, leaving him/her disabled, anger can be paramount. Again, I recommend therapy in these situations as well. Sometimes people can go through physical therapy as well as counseling and find some resolve. Other times, this cannot be done. No matter what the situation, support from family, friends, and professionals is a must.

There is a grieving process in this situation as well. The person has just lost a part of themselves and their activities of daily living may be limited. That loss of independence can be devastating on many, many levels. This will surely impact attitude as well as emotional well being. So, finding resolve will take the help of the aforementioned parties. Constant and consistent encouragement is also important.

For someone who is facing loss of income through job loss or the loss of loved one, this can call from some adjustment. The important thing in all of these situation is to never give up and always keep trying. No matter how the cards are stacked against you, there will always be some way of escape. It may not be the way we want, but there is one available if we look hard enough.

It is also important to stay positive. This is one of the hardest things to do in adverse situations. Trust me, I can attest to this. In fact, it is perfectly normal to feel like, at times, you’re losing your grip. It’s also okay to cry. As I said, let yourself feel what is happening, but when you find the resolve, embrace it.

More Tales of the Paranormal–Near Death Experiences

Today started out like any other day. I got up, got dressed, put my make up on, fixed my hair, got my son up, fed him breakfast, and did some other things before leaving for work. I left at 7:22 a.m. I pulled out of my drive way and started down the road toward Shyville. Same route; different day. The fog was a little thick, but nothing that caused alarm.

As I pulled up to the traffic light there were four cars ahead of me. I patiently waited for the light to turn green. Across the intersection is the long road to the Uranium Plant. There were some cars sitting there waiting also.

On the stretch of highway I waited to turn onto, there are flashing warning lights to tell drivers the light is red; to slow down and prepare to stop. It is U.S. Rt. 32.

The light turned green. The four other cars went ahead. The other car across the road waiting. I thought, “Why isn’t he moving?” He eased out into the intersection. I barely put my foot on the gas and heard in my ear “wait!” From the corner of my eye I saw the grill of a semi tractor trailer. The truck was going full speed. He had to have seen the four other cars. He had to have seen the flashing lights. The fog wasn’t thick enough to cause him not to see me. He simply wasn’t paying attention. My guess is he was on the phone, texting, or was falling asleep.

All of this happened within seconds. The shout in my ear. The question as to why the pick up truck across the road wasn’t moving. Everything happened so fast, but on the other hand time stood still.

I honked the horn as I went on out into the intersection. The trucker must have been pretty shaken up because he overcorrected and went over onto the grass on the other side of the road.

I continued to work. It wasn’t long before I started shaking and realized I had literally escaped death. As I pulled myself together, I quickly heard “Not today.” I called my husband to tell him what happened. For the record, I have UConnect in my car, so I didn’t have to take my eyes off of the road to make the call. I told him what happened.

As I talked to him, I realized I would have left my child motherless and my husband a widower. That feeling… I can’t even explain it. I felt lucky. I felt sick. My head was pounding. I had escaped the jaws of death. I have no doubt that what happened was nothing short of a miracle. I should have been dead. The truck was a tanker truck even. Likely, we would have both been dead.

I am sharing this because I promised that if anything paranormal happened to me, that I would continue the previous blog posts from “Bumps in the Night.” I am also sharing because I feel fortunate to even be breathing. I should be on a slab at the county morgue, but thanks to my spirit guides, guardian angels, and my devoted Creator, I’m here and writing this.

Be sure that the High Power you believe in, watches out for you. There are protective forces sent to guard you and who are charged with your safety. I have no idea who shouted for me to “wait!” nor do I care. But it happened. I was there. You’ll never convince me that I didn’t hear it.

I think the ironic part is that my paternal grandmother died in an accident when she was 45 years old. She suffered a heart attack and hit a semi tractor trailer. It appeared that my fate leaned that way this morning, but the hand of my Creator intervened and kept me from dying. I was spared me. My Creator made sure I was kept safe. The Supreme Being of this world isn’t done with me yet. It is very flattering to know that an All Powerful Being cares enough about one individual person to keep them alive. I can’t even imagine what miracles are in store, but I am very thankful to be alive!