There are times in life when you see invidiuals, even yourself, having the best of intentions. This includes but isn’t limited to projects, goals, and even parenting. Growth is a very necessary part of life. Super fast growth isn’t always the best way to go. I have learned that the hard way lately. What is even worse is when the super fast growth or an expansion can have a lasting impact on others as well as ourselves, most often in a bad way. The best plans can turn to disaster just with one fatal stroke. This can be due to poor management, lack of insight, not thinking ahead, becoming too overwhelmed, and the list goes on and on. The most important part of this issue is to recognize that there is an issue. That’s the first step in coping with the problem because even though your intentions were good, it doesn’t necessarily mean things will turn out that way.
Please understand, I’m not trying to be a downer. However, I believe in call it like I see it, speaking the truth, and practicing what I preach. Lately, I have had to reprioritize. I have taken on too much too fast and I’m not being fair to myself or my family. So, I have to take the control back. Sometimes it’s necessary. Nonetheless, from every mistake you can learn.
I am not going to lie. Right now I am very discouraged. I am so discouraged that I’ve lost my desire to write. With that being said, I’m also back to work full time and it’s been full speed ahead ever since I walked back in the door. Exhausting, mental stress that sucks the life force from you can take away a lot of desire to do anything other than come home and sit quietly in your chair.
I am a writer. I want to sell books. Every author does. When you go to a festival and you sell only 10 books and what you made doesn’t even cover what you spent, you tend to get a little upset. However, what I took away from the experience was that festivals aren’t the places I need to be going. I need to concentrate on author related functions. Another thing I took away from it was a very LARGE inventory of books, so I should be good for about the next year.
As I anxiously await “Idolum” to be uploaded to Amazon in ebook, I wonder if it will do well. Everyone wants their books to do well, but when you’re fairly unknown, when you’re not a multi-million dollar best seller, and when you’re brand new it can take a while to adjust, I think. I am asked almost daily when “Idolum” will be up on Amazon, so I find encouragement in that.
This brings me back to a personal character flaw I have: a lack of patience. It is something I need to work on. Just because you have a dream and a vision doesn’t mean that things are going to happen fast. I keep telling myself that what is important is that I’m learning something every step along the way. I am learning that super-fast growth isn’t what I need to be doing. I’m learning that it will take at least five years for my name to become somewhat recognizeable. I’m learning that I need to produce at least one book each year; something new to take with me to yearly conventions. I’m learning to sit back and take a break and not feel bad about it. I’m learning to judge the character of others based on what I can feel as well as what I can see. I’m learning that making decisions aren’t always as simple as they might seem at first. So, there’s the positives. I’m learning. Learning from my mistakes and from my successes.
I don’t want to be a best selling author. I just want people to get lost in what I write about. That’s all any author truly wants… they want to make a difference and touch people with their words. I have to accept that I’m only one person and I also have to accept my limitations, as angry as that might make me. I also need to be mindful of other things as well; when I see something going terribly wrong, no matter how much it might hurt, I have to make sound decisions and thinking about the big picture.
Learning, learning, learning. That is what the journey is all about. And apparently one lesson that the universe would like me to polish up on is patience.